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Birthdays

Today my mom would've turned 57. Tomorrow my son will be 11. My birthday is on December 11th, and she died on the 12th.

She's been on my mind alot lately. Of course because it's that time of the year. Also because I'm going through a difficult time right now and I need her. And also, and mainly I think, because I've been thinking about leaving the man in my life. And I'm afraid of that. Because of how life was with her being a single parent. There are things I can accept about how things were, how she was, others I still can't.

I'm not afraid of being alone, or not being able to provide for my children. I'm afraid I'll turn into her. I don't want my children to look at me the way I looked at my mother when I was a kid.

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