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The obvious often eludes me. Trapped in my head. Trapped in my words. Buried under layers of dust that flew out of my whirlwinds to finally rest upon what makes sense. For real. What is obvious.

Percieved responsabilities. Chris, from Inane thoughts and Insane ramblings, pointed me to the right direction from his comment on a previous post. The direction I may have been avoiding. Or the direction I just didn't know was there all along. Not that clear to me. 

I was able to dance around it. To feel it overpower me at times. For how long... When did I stop believe I was worth something, anything... When did my sense of self totally disintergrate... When did I start becoming who I thought I should be... Not because of someone, but because of what I perceived was right, expected, reasonable...

There lies the biggest responsability. Accepting that this is not anybody's fault. No one came to me with a contract, no one put a gun to my head. I. Perceived. Wrong. 

Thus cultivating that image through other people's eyes. Thus making me less tangible as a human being, more real as an image of what I should be for them. My perception. Not theirs. 

August 25th 2005. First post. First step. I can't say I've come a long way, that would be an understatement. I've been reacquainted with who was living inside but was hiding. Just standing by, watching the show, thinking she couldn't jump in, didn't fit in. Because of what she perceived.

Who needs fucking therapy when you can blog?

Comments

j-julie said…
Je m'étais traîné les pieds ailleurs depuis qques jours.. Merci, mon café, ce matin, ta tête en ma compagnie, délicieux, thérapeutique, un massage de mon âme. XX
frenzY said…
Ouin. Moins cher. Plus enjoy parce qu'ons e fais des tits namis, pis que criss nous on aimes ça. Pis bien rien de mieux qu'un doux bordel de mots pour s'orienter dans un méandres de shit.

T'es mon light over ma fenêtre noire de bouette poupée.

Avec ou sans langues enjoy mon smackkk on you
xxx
swan_pr said…
julie: c'est tout ce qui compte. le moment. avant, après, c'est autre chose.

frenzY: pousse crayons ensemble d'abord :) (ben, j'prendrais la langue pareil!)